eMatrimonials

In the brave new world of the internet, how can Indian matrimonial advertisements be left behind? Advertising for a marriage partner on the internet is a phenomenon that has been gaining in popularity over the past few years. There are millions of people of Indian origin living all over the world. Many of them want to find a person, from their own cultural background, to marry. Most of them have ready access to the internet. An ever growing number of Indians in India are also gaining internet access. Thus the latest trend in finding a marriage partner is putting up an advertisement on one of the numerous internet matrimonial websites. And it is getting to be a big business too. Many internet companies that maintain portals targeting Indians are figuring out how to convert this trend into profits. A few days ago, even the Wall Street Journal had a lengthy article on this subject. Traditional newspapers in India, like The Times of India, The Hindu, and the Indian Express, have been getting into the act and listing matrimonial advertisements on their websites with easy search facilities. I was curious enough about this trend to try it out for myself.

I live in USA and have been subject to nonstop badgering by my parents to settle down in life. Those two words make my hair stand on end. My mother periodically threatens me with all kinds of dire fates befalling a spinster. I think that is a completely out-of-date word. But, in Indian society, it is considered extremely important for a woman to be married. I finally gave in and decided to do something about my mother's threats. I had a strange feeling of hollowness in the stomach one gets when attempting something guaranteed to be painful (or embarrassing at the least). I decided to find out how the process of placing a matrimonial advertisement on the internet works. To begin with, I used the internet to help me with my research.

I did a simple search for Indian matrimonial websites and was amazed when my favorite search engine came up with at least fifty relevant responses. I spent some time analyzing the various websites and decided that there are two main kinds - those that ask for your money and those that are free. Of course, the free ones are always more enticing but I realized that there is some value to asking for a small fee. It keeps out the people who are not very serious. The websites that ask for a fee usually accept credit cards (Visa, MasterCard) and many accept checks but activate the advertisement only after the check clears. These websites usually have increasing fees for longer display of the advertisement. It is not easy to find revenue and profit/loss figures for matrimonial websites, but judging from their popularity, I'm sure they make a lot of money. Indian matrimonial websites come in all sizes and shapes. Many websites require one to sign up or register as a member. Some websites are geared towards Indians from a particular region like North India, South Asians in Australia, just Punjab or Tamil Nadu. And if one is lucky enough to find a partner, some websites go further by helping to arrange the wedding itself. Especially in USA, one can place orders for food, clothes, wedding halls, and even a priest, on the internet. Most important (and interesting) is the advertisement itself. Like all things in society, there is a certain etiquette to be followed while advertising on matrimonial websites.

Most Indian websites, with very few exceptions, do not allow indecent words in the advertisement; some even disallow the words dating or fun. Many websites have online forms to enter information and do check what is written in these. A few websites just post warnings about what is not allowed. Many websites have a limit on how many words can be used in the description; usually around 100 words; one very generous website allows 500 words. 50 words are also a popular limit. Many websites are divided into a "grooms" and a "brides" section. Some websites group advertisements further depending on religion, and country of origin. All of them allow one to enter information about religion, caste, height, weight, hobbies, education and profession. All websites ask for a contact email address, and sometimes a mailing address and phone number. Many websites preserve an advertiser's anonymity by using only online mailbox numbers. Most of them also do not require that a real name and contact information be displayed in the advertisement itself. Most websites allow one to upload a picture in .gif or .jpg format. They usually specify the acceptable dimensions for the pictures. There are pros and cons to putting up a picture on the web. It usually results in more responses but also reveals a person's identity easily. It depends on how much of a chance one is willing to take with revealing personal details. Many websites allow the advertisement to be posted for a time period varying from a month to six months. They also usually allow the advertisement to be modified or updated during this period. But, there are some very popular websites that do not allow any changes once the advertisement is placed. Therefore, I found it useful to think about what I wanted to say and write it down beforehand so that I could enter the information quickly. A catchy title helps to draw the viewer's attention.

Writing a good (matrimonial) advertisement is an art. Here is an example of how NOT to write one:

The flip side of placing an advertisement is replying to one on the website. Most websites have search facilities to look for people who match some criterion. Many people who place the advertisements are pretty clear about what kind of person they are looking for, usually from the same religion/caste, certain age/height group, educational requirements, etc. Some websites allow one to browse their listings for free but require a fee to actually respond to an advertisement. Once the advertisement is placed, what happens when someone responds to it?

Many people set up a special email address just for receiving replies, usually on one of the free mail services like Hotmail or Yahoo. This is useful if there is no internet access at home, and one does not wish to receive mails at work or just to preserve privacy. Many people have parents, older sisters/brothers, and/or friends screen the advertisements and reply to promising ones. Sometimes, people send contact numbers and some even send a picture. From there onward, it is up to the persons involved whether they want to meet or phone each other or just send email. Many people ask for horoscopes too. People who are not interested in pursuing contact usually stop after one or two mails.

I placed my ad on four different websites and received many replies in the first month. Afterwards, the responses died down. Some of them gave me a good laugh, including one that just said "Hi, baby!". One person mailed me seven pictures in different poses and filled up my mailbox. Insensitive was my verdict. Another person's mother, calling me for the first time, immediately asked for my height. Then she realized that I was a computer engineer, and cross-examined me on DSL fiber optic modems. I expressed some ignorance about them and she commented that "Everybody knows about fiber optic modems. Do you really have a computer engineering degree?" There were several responses from divorced people. My family is pretty traditional and not in favor of any divorced person. Personally I feel there is nothing wrong in trying to work things out the second time around. There was a person who sent the same mail to eighteen people in a mailing list. Obviously this person believed that throwing many many stones at the same time might help him hit at least one bird. Some people just want to come to USA, and are prepared to marry anyone for the sake of a visa. A person nine years younger than I am wrote me a beseeching letter asking me to marry him, but if I was not interested, could I please refer some other friend in USA? Of course, there were some nice people who replied. For various reasons, nothing worked out. And I really didn't try very hard after the first month. My mother is preoccupied by other things and has forgotten about my condition. I prefer to let sleeping dogs lie.

In the final analysis, it is just a matter of luck meeting the right person at the right time. Some people may suspect that advertising on the internet is a) desperate b) frivolous and c) scary because there are all kinds of strange people out there. I know that my own mother was not too enthused by my idea. What I discovered is that many Indians who advertise on the internet are decent, respectable people from all walks of life, and from all age groups. Of course, there are always some who think its all a big joke or are just plain rude. I realized that one should be prepared for rejection and rejecting. And that it is not very safe to get emotional about someone one meets on the internet. In a traditional arranged marriage, parents do most of the screening. In the age of the internet, there is freedom to decide for oneself but the ground rules don't really change. My conclusion: it doesn't hurt to try and it helps to have a sense of humor about the whole thing. And hey, it might actually work!

Useful Links